Dead Man or a Turn-Coat

Just like I was at that age, always the bad ass, blustering his way through everything with the best of intentions; but he needs to step back and see things for what they are instead of what he thinks they are.

You think he’ll ever do that?

Who knows? But if he doesn’t we’ll lose him. He’ll be either a dead man or a turn-coat. Where do you think the guys were fighting now come from? It builds up slowly. You start lying to yourself, then you start resenting those around you, finally you just switch off the whole world. It’s a slow process. Just like you never see the hour hand on a clock moving. It sneaks up on you.

What is Truth

How do you know ‘real’ truth? It can’t be what the majority of people say. That’s why we are supposedly a republic in America and not a democracy. If everyone voted on everything… well it’s a simple thing to con the massed into what ever way of thinking you want. Rendering the freedom of democracy into tyranny. Look around you. Most people are stupid imbeciles that believe the televisions version of the world. So that’s not it.

You could believe a trusted guru on what ever given subject. But who knows if he is lying or has been lied to. Lately I’ve felt the anxiety that those in the spy game must feel. Agents… double agents… triple? Damn it! Where does it end?

And so I feel I better understand the POV of the average sheep-person who follows the mantra of “Ignorance is bliss.” Although I know it to be a fallacy.

So down the rabbit hole I go. Lost in the labyrinthine passages of information. Everything seems different from every POV. It’s like Hebrew, kabbalisticly speaking. Truth seems like an alpha numeric language. Each letter equals a number, words are then compiled and so on. Each word has its value which is equal to any other word with the equivalent value. There are an infinite number of ways to interpret the information. Good can be redefined as bad and the opposite. So were does that leave me and everyone else…

I don’t know honestly. I guess I’m just sulking in some lost and forgotten corner of ‘truth’. Drunk on misery, confusion, Captain Morgan and coke.

I know giving up is not an option. I was asleep before I left for college. Then I was jolted awake by the light of truth, or what i thought was truth at the time. I know that because of that experience I’ll never be the same but I’m glad for it. It’s just that I have been running down every tunnel in this rabbit hole that seems reasonable. And have just recently stopped to look at where I’ve come from, where I seem to be going and why that is… in short smelling the roses as I look at the big picture.

And well… it’s a bit depressing and confusing. Having little to no ground to stand on makes floating around in the mist of gray areas disconcerting and discombobulating. And sometimes… when I really think about it I have absolutely no fucking idea which way is up. It’s all simply guesses or assumptions based off of what I’ve been told or researched and blind faith on what the supposed masters of truth believe.

So what am I/are we supposed to think eh? Is it all really that subjective? Has the magic of logic infiltrated the truth movement to that extent? I’m afraid so. It’s like we’re the blind child being punished. They’ve swapped the furniture around so many times we barely have a leg we can stand on with out the bruises making us want to collapse and cry in confusion and self pity.

But that is just where they need everyone to be in order to bring about the changes they want. Confused and looking for someone to answer their questions.

I honesty am not sure there is a way to find real truth here on earth. If when we die there is nothing then we’re fucked. If we die and we view all of time at once or can talk to the Creator then there is one way to reach real knowing. If so, hopefully we can choose to come back to try and wake others up.

Hhhhh… that’s all I have to say. It feels good to get all that out. It’s been festering in my mind for a while. It’s 5:30am time for sleep.


~ by xenorun on May 24, 2009.

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